It doesn't seem to matter how hard you try, how much you know, or nice you are. People really don't seem to give a rats ass about how much you've given or how hard you worked on something, they have to kick you in the crotch when you think you aren't looking. And the stupid thing is, on the internet, everyone's looking, so its bound to find its way to the ears of the person you badmouthed eventually. Either from a friend or a referer, or maybe just a random search.

Should I care? Probably not. But do I care? Yeah, sorta. It gets under my skin enough to make me ranty. Some find it funny, but its usually a one way trip to depression because it opens up other cans of worms that get me thinking about things I probably shouldn't.

If I wasn't such an information whore, I probably wouldn't find all this crap and be a happier person. But I am. I'm always curious to know what people are saying, and I find it. I find it in the strangest places, and what I usually find isn't very spirtually uplifting.

I said in the shifters LJ how nice it was to hear positive feedback. it takes like 7 positives to outweight a negative in the human mind, and it was really nice. I could have just said 'fuck you all' and left things the way they were. My boyfriend would have been happier. He has to put up with the results of the stress, and its hard on him too. But I have this stupid notion I should finish what I started. But its hard. Its really hard when people have to keep kicking you in the face. What is REALLY annoying to me is that its not even MY work they knock, unless its strictly art. For the 12 issues of shifters after the first two, I didn't even write them. It was James Strocel. So when people accuse the story of wobbling all over the place, it has NOTHING to do with me. I just drew the comic at that point. Its only recently I've been able to finally pull it all back together. Believe me, it would have been a lot easier to just go back and restart, but it would have taken a whole lot of time to re and re over 400 pages. Although, I'm still considering it.

But it seems, as I've started producing again, everyone has shut up. More people visit the site, yet less people talk. I've got to redo the website. Maybe then we'll see some improvement. More crap on my plate.

In someways, I'd like to leave shifters and work on brymstone for a while. Just brymstone. Its a lot easier because I have such a deep love for abusing Darshe. Its a simple story, its not as deep or complicated as shifters, so its less demanding. Its also a lot more light and humorous in a kind of way I can write. At least there, when people say " hey, did you base it of *blank*" I can say Why yes! yes I did!, instead of constantly being accused of it when I didn't. People seem to like it better too. I don't get nearly as much flack. I don't hear a lot about it, and its kind of nice. ( probably because people don't know, but sometimes silence is better than pointless bashing.)

I'm not someone who can't take negative critisim. What pisses me off is when its totally unfounded or unsupported.

it sucks to have your work from the past haunt you. People wonder why artists take down old art. It really is a handicap. People judge you so badly on it. You can never climb out of its shadow so long as its there.